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A Stupid Doll
November 14, 2023
Wondrous item, common
This Stupid Doll was gifted to a great wizard by his annoying aunt. The Wizard felt it was beneath him to play with stupid dolls, so he aimed to mold it into something useful. He cast a powerful spell to bring it to life, but the doll was so stupid it couldn’t even receive the enchantment correctly. The result was a magical servant more useless than a paladin with no oath.
The Stupid Doll is a simple golem made from cloth and stuffing. It has rounded stumps for hands so its carrying ability/capactiy is limited. It can speak and understand common and will attempt to follow verbal commands. Its responses will usually be 1-3 words.
When attempting to follow instructions, the Stupid Doll will invariably screw up, though not intentionally. It generally won’t put people in harm’s way, like causing a fire while trying to cook, but may injure/destroy itself, like setting itself on fire.
The Stupid Doll is 2 ft. tall and weighs 1 pound. It has 2 HP and an AC of 3.
The doll generally doesn’t have feelings but does know when it is loved/appreciated and will have a sweet smile when interacting with a friendly being.
Optional Twist
The aunt secretly hated the stupid arrogant wizard and hid a vial of poison inside the doll! The doll contains one vial of strong poison which bursts if the doll takes damage or is destroyed.
A thorough investigation of the doll reveals that there is a solid object inside, and the vial can be removed if the stitching in the back is carefully undone. Passing a DC 10 Dexterity check will allow someone to restitch the doll back together. A failed check means that the doll is left lifeless until properly repaired.
The creature holding the doll when the vial bursts is soaked in poison and takes 2d8 poison damage.
DM Notes
Example responses/actions include:
- “OK” - When asked to do a complex task requiring further clarification, like crafting a magical item. It will naturally fail at this task.
- “Where?” - Can be used anytime, like when asked to make a sandwich, gather items, etc.
- “How?” - When asked to do an extremely simple task like fetching water, peeling potatoes, etc.
- “When?” - When asked to do something when no timeframe is specified.
- “Yes.” - When asked a question requiring further follow-up. “Did you bring me the item I requested?”… with no further action.
Roll 1d8 on the example screw-up table to find out what happens:
| Roll | Screw-up |
|---|---|
| 1 | Forgets what the task was. |
| 2 | Does a task or tasks in the wrong order. |
| 3 | Drops/breaks/loses objects related to the task. |
| 4 | Requires instructions to be repeated multiple times. |
| 5 | When fetching an item, will drop it or trip and fall when almost to the adventurer. |
| 6 | Will follow instructions literally. |
| 7 | Will follow commands that directly put its existence in danger. |
| 8 | Does the completely wrong task. |
Just when the adventurers think the Stupid Doll is completely useless, it may complete a menial task to regain their confidence.
Additional Images
All images were generated with Chat GPT 4. The images below are some other results you might find interesting.
Attribution
This work includes material taken from the System Reference Document 5.1 (“SRD 5.1”) by Wizards of the Coast LLC and available at https://dnd.wizards.com/resources/systems-reference-document. The SRD 5.1 is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International License available at https://creativecommons.org/licenses/by/4.0/legalcode.